


In the end that is all

by greenlake98



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marauders - Fandom, Wolfstar - Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M, Firstkiss, Hate, Kissing, Love, M/M, Pining, Please read!, Sadness, jilly - Freeform, kiss, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-21 03:00:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30015111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenlake98/pseuds/greenlake98
Summary: Its 6th year and Remus is denying all feelings he has for Sirius Black, (if you could call them that at all) and the changes in Sirius behaviour, well Remus was sure everyone could tell that! Not just him because he spent an awful lot more time than the average person studying him. In his defence Sirius was an incredibly easy person to study.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Mary Macdonald, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	1. Chaper 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi- I really hope you enjoy this, its not finished yet but will try to update at least once a week!

Remus noticed a change in Sirius two months ago. Not that he was paying that much attention of course. And of course it wasn’t as though he hadn’t studied Sirius Blacks moves for the past year that would just be weird. Of course. Therefore two months down the line Remus tried to convince himself that Sirius was just not good at hiding his feelings and that it wasn’t because he studied Sirius intensely that he noticed the change.

Remus loved Sirius' long thick black velvety hair, the way it hung effortlessly around his shoulders, or how he would tie it up in a bun with his wand through it, or the way that he would now carry Remus’ bag between classes for him despite Remuses protesting, always around a full moon. But of course this was all normal, he felt sure the little list he had composed in his head everyone would be able to relate to, sure he could write just the same appraising list for someone like Pete for example. Or, the voice at the back of his head said, maybe not. 

Remus sat at the back of Transfiguration, next to Sirius, right in the far corner of the best seat everyone would have to agree. Minnie as the marauders liked to call her, sat at the front talking about responsibility, a thing Remus prided himself in in comparison to the rest of the marauders. He glanced sideways at Sirius who was looking at him. Remus froze, it had been like this sometimes awkwardly catching the eye of the other and looking away. Remus didn't mind though. He liked the way a blush could creep up the cheek of the other boy, defining his high cheek bone in a stomach fluttering assault. Today to Remuses enjoyment was no exception. The blush rose and Sirius quickly turned his head a resettled before whispering a ‘listen to Minnie Moony’. Remus knew that Sirius' heartbeat had increased, his wolflike senses came in handy sometimes. 

Of course after the lesson ended Sirius' nimble fingers grabbed Mooney's bag despite his exclamations, ‘shhh Moony, you know I will carry it however much you protest’ and so Remus had let out a hum of defeat and thanks and anything else Sirius Black decided to interpret it as and decided that today he would let Sirius have his way as it always turned out like that anyways didn't it.   
The walk to the common room was slightly slower than usual, James was walking ahead in his galient attempt to impress Lily whilst Peter was trailing behind discussing when to meet up with a ravenclaw boy Benjamin Brooke for chess.  
‘Moooony’ Sirius began staggering slightly, ‘can you help me with the transfiguration essay?’ Remus hummed in response carefully weighed the options out in his head, the downsides were that he wouldn’t just help and would most likely end up writing it however on the positive side he would get to spend time with Sirius. Moony and Padfoot. Padfoot and Moony. He let out a defeated sigh because he knew there was no point in resisting.   
‘Fineeee’ he stretched out pretending to pout slightly and Sirius grinned and kicked his Shoe again Remus’ ‘Thanks Moony you really are a life savour’ and Remus allowed himself to let out another sigh   
‘only’ he concluded ‘if you share your chocolate frogs with me’. These words made Sirius smile to stretch slightly wider and he looked somenly at Remus before promising that he could have all the chocolate Frogs he wanted. 

When they got back to the common room Mary McDonald had slung herself over Sirius Blacks favourite chair. Remus knew this because this was the chair that he always sat on and if it was taken he would pout slightly in a funny tummy turning away and have to find somewhere else to sit. 

This did not happen today Instead Sirius sat himself on the arm, grinning at Mary and slinging his arm around her shoulder, most likely so he wouldn't fall off Remus concluded. Mary shreaked slightly, hitting him on the head, which Remus thought would upset Sirius as everyone knew how much Sirius hated his hair being messed up but this only made Sirius laugh more. ‘Get off you Bastard’ she cried out, and Sirius smiled slightly before shaking his head. Remus felt an odd jab of something in his stomach. He must be coming down with something he concluded, it was often this way just before full moons, alway like this. And so when Sirius whispered in Mary's ear about doing their transfiguration homework together over chocolate frogs and Remus had a sudden sick feeling in his stomach he realized that he definitely must be coming down with something.

It was past midnight when Remus finally went to bed, the common room had felt stuffy and therefore he had gone to the library to clear his head. He loved the library, the spiraling oak bookcases where one of the most beautiful things to remus. He had spent a good bit of three hours studying for Transfiguration tweaking his essay so he could get it near perfect, then reading up on care of magical creatures which was one of his favorite classes. 

By the time he had made it to his dorm, all the lights were off and there was a noise that sounded suspiciously like snoring from James' bed though he felt sure James would deny all accusations, in the morning. He brushed his teeth and was about to climb into bed when Sirius' head popped out from the bed next to him 'Moonyyyy' he whispered drawing the word out along his tongue 'where were you?'  
'Library' Remus replied shortly, and then slid into bed and shut the curtains around him leaving Siriuss' head poking out and an awfully acidic feeling in his stomach.


	2. Chaper 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi- hope your enjoying it just want to say that I do not support any of Jk Rowling disgusting transphobic views. Sorry for and spelling errors! Hope you are all having a lovely day and enjoy!

Breakfast was a sorrowful affair the next morning, Pete was stressing about the transfiguration essay and Lilly announced she had a headache and was ensuring that no one around spoke at more than a whisper. The group ate in silence occasionally whispering to the person they sat next to, while Remus helped Pete do the last of the homework.   
He felt infuriated, this was always the case with Pete, always last minute like he needed instructions on when and how to complete it. He let out a sigh of frustration ‘Pete just write it yourself’ Remus finally burst out, an action he had been contemplating for the past few minutes. Peter's eyes widened slightly then he nodded woefully and began scribbling down on the paper in the writing Remus had expertly copied for when he did Pete's homework. 

I always felt like this a few days before full moon, Remus would get irritated more easily and feel the need to snap out at people. Maybe it was the wolf inside foretelling what would happen or maybe Remus contemplated he was just in a bad mood, but about what he couldn't tell. Ah but you can the voice inside whispered. But of course he could’t these past two days had been perfect. 

After breakfast the group made their separate ways, the normal friday fun seemed just out of reach. Sirius picked up both his and Remus’ satchel and Remus felt like he didn't have the energy to argue about it, and began walking at a fast pace out the hall. Arithmancy was the only lesson Sirius and Remus had together. Just the two of them. Moony and Padfoot. Padfoot and Moony. He liked arithmancy. He liked how it just made sense, with no grey areas.   
‘Moooonyyy, slow down’ the shorter boy began in a desolate tone. Remus liked how Sirius was smaller than him, it just made him so, so, no whatever had popped in his head it definitely did not make him that. Remus felt his face flood with blood slightly, and he took in a deep breath. He was definitely coming down with something.   
‘Walk faster then padfoot’ he retorted his long strides ensuring he was just ahead in a rather avrigating way.  
‘I'm holding your bag though’ Sirius retorted  
‘You didn’t have to though did you?’ Remus rounded at him glaring slightly. It was often like this little argument, nothing that would get blown out of proportion too much though, except, but no Remus did not want to think of the only time he had really ever hated Sirius Black. He never wanted to go back to the previous summer of 5th year just before owls. It was replaying in his head now, and he desperately needed it to stop.  
‘I know’ Sirius retorted cutting though his daydream and his voice softened slightly ‘but you're our moony so i'm going to ok’ Remus carried on walking trying desperately to ignore the warm fizzing sensation in his stomach that was slowly creeping up his throat. Sirius had grabbed his shoulder forcing him to stop and turn around.  
‘Ok’ he moved his face forward some more, much nearer Remus’ than before. Remus avoided his eyes, staring down at their feet, shuffling his slightly. Sirius' face moved even more closer now, and Remus could feel his breath on his lips.   
‘Ok’ Sirius repeated for the third time still staring intensely. Remus looked up for a second to see the ice blue eyes of Sirius Black staring back and he felt the insides of him crumble slightly. He had the entire of Sirius’ face mapped out in his head, almost totally perfect. The two freckles that settled just above his left eyebrow, the high angular check bone and his lips that just looked so soft. Remus looked down again and scowled slightly trying to force the smile off his lips.  
‘Yeah padfoot, ok’ he smiled then and looked straight at Sirius who returned his smile in an instant.  
‘Come in then Moony’ he grinned and Remus found himself walking along the corridor with a bit more of the Friday fun than before. 

The day passed relatively fast after that and before Remus could concentrate too much he found that he was sitting back in Transfiguration scribbling a hurried note to Sirius about not turning McGonagall hair blue while she was in a foul mood. Marline had forgotten her essay which was most unlike her which had only heightened McGonagall's dark mood. Remus slipped his reply to Sirius only to see Mary slip a note to his desk as well. Remus felt himself scowl slightly. And that was how the rest of the lesson seemed to go: Mary and Sirius sending notes to each other with Remus' nicely folded reply left at the edge of Sirius’ desk untouched. He doubted he would need his advice now he thought grimly as he seemed to be much more interested in something else. 

By the end of the lesson, Remuses back felt stiff and sore, and for once he felt glad that Sirius would be there to carry his bag, except he wasn’t. Remus had barely stood up to leave when he saw sirius duck out of the door holding the hand of someone that looked suspiciously like Mary McDonald. He frowned slightly and picked up his bag, staggering slightly under its weight. No wonder Sirius had been struggling slightly.   
‘Want me to take it?’   
‘Nah i'm good’ Remus replied to the boy standing next to him. James Potter was of no doubt Remus' best friend, who had been there through everything for him, even when Padfoot had not he thought grimly. ‘Plus’ he added ‘i know you're just doing it to impress Lily who just so happens to be right behind you’ he teased nudging James shoulder with his. There was a snort from behind and James pretended to be affronted drawing up his chest   
‘That i am not, Mr Loopin’ and then he strope out the class with Peter following. Remus picked up his book and followed, ignoring the stabbing of needles in his chest. 

James asked no more about carring for his back which pleased Remus, he was always respectful like that or knew Remus' wouldn't cave in and didn’t want an argument, the voice in his head said again. By the time they reached the common room Marline, Dorcrus and Lily were all sat around the fire with their essays around them in a vague attempt to get Marlines essay written before tonight was what it looked like.

The three boys made their way upstairs chucking their bags away in the corner, like they usually did on a Friday night, and Remus pulled out some chocolate frogs chucking one to James and one to Peter then shoving tow in his mouth.   
‘Do you have to see Poppy tonight’ Pete asked mumbling slightly in an attempt to swallow the chocolate frog’  
Remus finished his mouthful before answering as he had decided he did not like much the look of Pete chewed up chocolate in his mouth and didn't feel the need to give James the view twice. ‘Yeah I reckon I should but later not now, we can go see if the girls want any help first.’ 

By the time they were all downstairs and settled in a comfortable position at least half an hour had passed. Pete had run up and down the stair about five times in an unfortunate case of forgetting things and was now sat crossed legged on the floor (having failed to grab a seat) his face very red as he was not used to running. 

‘Oh Pete’ Lely exclaimed, clicking her tongue in the way Remus could never understand the point in ‘Are you sure you have everything now?’ Pete had three books laid out in front of him now, some parchment and a quill and ink and well as a supply of Honeydukes chocolate. James let out a snort of laughter only to get a pointed look from Lilly which appeared to, in this moment of time make him laugh even more. 

‘Oh Pete’ James weezed out and the girls and Remus started laughing as well ‘you are so red, you should come for runs with me in the morning’ Pete scowled at James  
‘No way are you getting me up at five for your bloody runs around the school grounds, it annoying as it is with you just waking me up that early’   
‘I hardly ever wake you up’ James shot back ‘only this morning’ The laughing had all died down but everyone was still etched with a smile.

‘What did you do this morning then Potter’ Lily asked looking directly at him. James' smile widened even more and Remus felt sure his cheeks had lit up some more. James Potter unmistakable love for the girl Lily Evens who he had vowed to marry in second year. 

‘He fell out of bed, somehow got tangled in Pete's laundry and landed in a bucket of pond jelly’ Remus declared enjoying seeing Jasmes face reddened some more. Lilly was the first of the girls to burst out laughing much to James delight.   
‘I most definitely am not going to ask what the Pond jelly is for though’ shooting a pointed look at the three of the ‘as a prefect I shall pretend I didn’t hear that one’ 

The boys snigered, only to be interrupted by Marline who for most of the conversation both her and Dorcrus had been bent over her essay.   
‘Anyone know where Mcdonald is?’ she looked up glancing around the room.  
‘Ohhhh’ Lily added ‘or Sirius’   
‘I think I could have several guesses’ James added in smirking   
‘Well I for one don’t want to hear them’ Remus snapped out. Everyone glanced up in confusion and Remus stood up too fast the dizzying feeling coming to his head setting his eyesight on balance ‘I’m going to the hospital wing.’ 

Remus Lupin had never been more glad to have a good reason to get out of the common room, he felt slightly sweaty and his face felt hot. I was probably a good thing he was going there, he decided he was almost certain he was ill and maybe Poppy would know what it was so she could give him some medicine and he could doze off to sleep in his favourite bed just by the window, then in the morning he would have breakfast in bed. Then would go back to the common room after breakfast and blame his outburst on nothing but a painful stomach and head. 

Alas for Remus that was not to be.   
‘Hello Remus dear’ Poppy greeted him in the usual way smiling, whilst still bustling around. She always seemed to have something to do.  
‘Hi’ Remus replied standing slightly awkwardly by the door  
‘Come in boy this is just as much your home as the common room is’ Remus felt himself smile at that. He should hope so anyway, the amount of nights he had slept over even more the amount of times he had come for a check up. ‘Ready for tomorrow’ Poopy asked and Remus nodded once not daring himself to speak. ‘Good good come over here then so I can give you a once over then you will be good to go’

Remus compelled his legs to walk forwards and he stood there as Poppy did her usual examine.  
‘There we go Remus, you seem all good for tomorrow, come and find me before five at the latest, can do a quick check up again, you can have some food then we can go down, alright dear?’  
‘Ok sure’ Remus replied feeling slightly disheartened at the prospect of having to face everyone in the common room again.  
‘Bye then dear’ she replied, ushering him out as Poppy Pomfrey was a strong believer of not staying in the hospital wing unless you had to.   
‘Bye then’ Remus said, smiling at her, then he turned and began the walk back to the common room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy lovelies!

By the time he had got up the stairs to the common room his back was hurting. You should have asked for some cream for it, the voice in his head whispered. She would have been more than happy to oblige. Remus knew this was true, but he was still waiting for the day he would let any pains known to Poppy, she had for two much to worry about at the muny without Remus’ unnecessary complaints. 

‘Frogs indengatus’ Remus spoke clearly to the fat lady painting to get through the door. Thankfully the password had not been changed and Remus stepped through into the homely area ready to apologise for the earliers storm out.  
‘You all good Moony’ James yelled out across from where he was lounging across the carpet just in front of the fire toasting a marshmallow. It was always like this Friday, both then boys and the girls got together and it was most often more than just fun.

Then Remus froze and he felt sure this friday was not going to be more than just fun. Sirius was wrapped around Mary kissing her passionately. In short Sirisus Blacks tongue was wedged down Mary McDonalds throat. Rmus felt sick, and for some reason his heart felt like it had been stabbed by thousands for needles, not for the first time that day. He walked over to James and the others suddenly all thoughts of apologizing gone.  
‘I’m going upstairs’ he snapped out, then turned and walked at a fast pace up the stairs ignoring the sound of ‘Remus’ and ‘Moony’ and ‘Are you ok?’

By the time Remus had opened the dorm door he had calmed down slightly, and he decided that he would get an early night, so that's what he did. By the time he scrambled about tidying things up, brushing his teeth and getting changedm he fel teven calmer, though his back still throbbed. 

He tucked himself under the duvet and pulled the curtains around his, it was like his own little tent now, a place just for him. Rearranging himself onto his front he sigh contentedly. This was probably the least painful way for him to sleep when his back was like this years of experience knew any other way would just cause more pain. He shut his eyes trying to block out any unwelcome images shuffling his legs around the duvet reshifting above him.

The door creaked open then and Remus heard whoever it was feet shuffle slightly.  
‘Piss off Prongs’ he spoke, his voice cracking slightly. Then he got a whiff and realized it wasn't Prongs’ scent but the sweet, spicy loving scent of Padfoot.  
‘S’not Prongs it me’ Remus let out a hum. He liked humming responses, it meant you didn't really have to say what you thought, you could just let the person decide what it meant for themselves. 

Sirius decided it meant come in as Remus heard Sirius’ footsteps moving closer and closer to his bed. The curtain pulled back and Remus could only presume that Sirius had poked his head in.  
‘Can I come in ?’ he asked, his voice soft. Remus begged himself not to turn his head to the other side so he could see Sirius Black. He hummed again and then there was a rustle and he felt the bed dip beside him. ‘So, are you ok’ 

Remus scowled, he was asking whether he was ok? Of course Remus Lupin was not ok but why he wasn't quite sure. He reshuffled slightly letting out an angry ‘no’ and then turning his head so he could look into Sirius’ ice blue eyes. His back twinged and he let out a muffled ‘ow’ and stopped moving. Sirius shuffled up the bed slightly, laying down next to Remus in a way that set in his heart racing slightly faster. He could hear Sirius’ heat rate increase as well; his senses always better around the moon. ‘Does your back hurt?’ Sirius questioned staring directly into Remus’ amber eyes. Remus hummed slightly not trusting himself to speak. They were both silent then. Then Srius sat up and patted Remus on the head. 

‘You can tell me why your cross in a minute he said ‘but first let's put some cream on your back’  
‘I don't have any’ Remus said, scowling. Sirius trutted beside him then snuck out through the hangings again and a few minutes later reappeared. 

‘Good thing I have some eh Moony’  
‘Whay the fuck would you have that Padfoot’ Remus retorted  
‘Just because’ Sirius said and Remus could hear the slight pride in his voice. ‘Come on then shirt off and we can rub some on’ 

‘Off you go then’ Remus said a few seconds later when Sirius was still sitting next to him. He looked up to see Sirius frown slightly and then replace it with a smile.  
‘Nothing I haven't seen Moony, and anyways you will never be able to reach your back properly.’ Remus grimaced because he knew both of those statements were true and sat up slowly pulling the old top with david bowie on off. He heard Sirius’ heart race increase and for some reason butterflies flitted around in his stomach again. 

Sirius' nimble fingers began rubbing the cream on his back, cold at first and then seeping in warmly, licking its way through right to the core of him. He let out a sign of content and he slowly felt his back ease up. Sirius Black gave the best massages, his finger dipping pushing and pulling until his back felt fresh and no longer stiff.  
‘Better’ Sirius asked as his finger stopped prodding and began to rub in absent circles around his shoulder area instead.  
‘Yeah, thanks padfoot’ Remus said, turning around to give him a smile.  
‘Il put the record player on shall I’ Sirius asked, breaking the silence they had both latched on to. Remus continued to look at him, his eyes melting the insides of him. It made no sense, he had the fire like eyes, he should melt Sirius ice like ones, but for some reason Sirius’ melted him. That made no sense, then again nothing made any sense when it came to Sirius Black. ‘I don’t have to though’ Sirius said, interrupting his trail of thought with a concerned look on his face.  
‘No no go for it’ Remis said as Sirius slipped through the drapes and the familiar song of lover boy began. 

The curtain opened again as Sirius slipped back inside, humming along to the song. Remus smiled slightly at him, and he felt like his insides were twisted up tightly in a million knots that would be impossible to undo. They sat in silence then swaying along to the song and humming to their favourite parts. 

‘Sorry’ Sirius suddenly said looking up at Remus who had his eyes closed. Remus immediately snapped his eyes open, and looked at the nervous face of Sirius Black. Rmus felt confused of course he did. To start with Sirius Black was notoriously well known for never saying sorry and secondly Sirius Black was never nervous.  
‘What’ Remus asked and he felt sure that he had a confused look on his face. Sirius sighed slightly like Remus was being dense, like he did with Peter.  
‘I said sorry’ he repeated again leaning forward slightly so he could lock his eyes directly with Remus.  
‘I know you said sorry’ Remus replied trying to ignore Sirius' breath getting slightly mixed with his ‘why?’ For some reason his sentences had become very short and he felt like his vocabulary was being sucked away and his brain clouding like when he stood up too fast.  
‘Coz its my fault’ Sirius looked away, like he was avoiding Remus gaze  
‘What is’ Remis asked, thoroughly confused.  
‘That your backs sore, I didn’t carry your bag did I?’  
‘You never have to carry my bag Sirius’ Remus replied trying not to let the acid building up in his stomach spill out.  
‘We have already discussed this Remus, I want to carry you bag’ Sirius replied, his voice slightly louder than before.  
‘Ok’ Remus replied, shifting his eyes to his hands that were twirling around each other.  
‘So sorry’ Sirius repeated catching Remus’ gaze again. It felt like a complicated game they were playing.  
‘S’not you faut if you would rather stick your tongue down McDonalds throat then carry my bag. I never told you you had to carry it, it's not your job to do it so why make a deal out if it?’ Remus' voice had been rising slightly louder as he spoke this sentence and by the end he felt thoroughly enraged like all the anger from today had been waiting for this moment to explode. 

When he looked up Sorius icy eyes were glaring. ’the fuck does my tounge anywhere near Mry have to do with this’ Remus flinched .  
‘Oh’ Remus snapped ‘so it wasn't just down her throat’ venom was snaking through his voice but his insides felt like they were being pulverized.  
‘What difference does that make to you Remus’  
‘Just piss off Black ok’ Sirius eyes suddenly looked slightly raw and hurt and he froze. No one ever called Sirius Black just Black unless they were mad. Remus knew he had crossed the line. Being called a Black hurt Sirius more than anything.  
‘God Lupin’ he snapped back ‘you always have to be so bloody avrigating, the fucking world isn’t just about you’  
‘No shit Padfoot’ Remus retorted then he turned away from Sirius and lay down facing in the opposite direction. He heard Sirius mumble something like ‘fucking bloody wearwolf’. Remus froze about snap back when there was a rusle and a tongue licked up the side of his face. 

‘Piss off Padfoot’ he huffed. The black dog didn't move but wined slightly and curled up next to him. Remus froze before running his fingers through the dogs long black hair feeling all the anger slowly wash out of him. The dog huffed contentedly and Remus closed his eyes and buried his face in the silky fur of Padfoot. They laid together like that Remus’ bare chest cosied up to padfoot, until he went to sleep. In the morning Sirius had gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay- I have been rather busy!   
> Hope you all enjoy!

Remus woke up with a pounding headache and regrets from the night before. When he looked over padfoot was gone and after reshuffling and opening the curtains he found the rest of the dorm had left, and he was the only one there. Since it was saturday he pulled on his favourite old woolen jumper and picked up the book from potions he was determined to finish before the week ended. 

He loved reading. It was like he could forget everything when the words absorbed him, and he would feel refreshed and full of new knowledge when he had finished. It was nine when he finally looked up at the clock, cursing when he realized he only had fifteen minutes until breakfast would end. He let out a huff and decided that it was not worth it, not if he could get in another half an hour of reading with no interruptions, then he could go down to the kitchens and ask the house elfs for any leftover. He knew they would be happy to oblige as Pete often trekked down there for snacks during random intervals of the day. 

After about ten minutes Remus was deep into reading the book, and when the door opened he jumped slightly. Sirius’ head poked in and smiled when he saw Moony looking over with his eyebrow raised. This was a particular skill of his that he had spent many hours trying to master in the previous summer holiday, eventually getting it. This of course he would never admit to the other marauders, pretending it was a skill he just had which infuriated James who had been trying to master for a while now claiming it would look threatening to the rival quidditch teams. Remus disagreed with this, as all James could achieve was screwing his face up and lifting both his eyebrows. 

‘Can I come in Mooy’ Sirius asked still smiling but with a slight note of caution in his voice. A very unlike Sirius thing to have. Remus rolled his eyes, he hated it when Padfoot was like this, like he was treading on sharp glass, like Remus might lash out at any moment. Maybe he had a reason to though, Remus thought again. Ater everything that happened last night Remus was surprised Sirius still wanted to talk to him, then again Sirius Black was always full of surprises, that was what Remus loved wasn’t it? 

‘No’ he said sarcastically adding in a sigh for what he thought to be good measure, ‘since this is not your dorm you can't’   
Sirius let out a noise that sounded something like a snort and something like a snicker making Remus smile. Remus always liked it when he managed to make Sirius laugh. Sirius smiled back as he bounded in, always one to make an entrance, and Remus knew that whatever Sirius did he would never be able to do it without being slightly overdramatic. His smile lifted his sharp face making his cheekbones even more prominent and Remus felt a sudden urge of affection for the shorter boy that it caught him by surprise. 

Sirius sat on his bed bouncing it slightly, causing Remus to draw his knees up not wanting any contact in case it made Sirius draw away.   
‘I present’ he said with a smile still on his lips ‘Moonys breakfast’ and he pulled from behind his back a plate full of sausages, bacon, eggs and toast extra crispy just the way Remus knew Sirius knew he liked then spread thickly with butter. Remus smiled and for some reason his heart felt entirely full, his head felt dizzy and he started laughing and felt like he would never stop. It was such a dizzying but somehow glorifying emotion. 

Remus always ate more than the normal person, especially around full moon and today was no exception. He hummed softly in gratification as he shoveled the food in his mouth, loving every flavour that ran past his taste buds. Sirius' smile stretched slightly wider, his hair still tousled in the lazy bun he did after a game of quidditch causing strands of the black hair to fall across in front of his face. Remus ignored the slightly numb feeling that seemed to be growing inside his stomach every time he looked up into the piercing ice eyes of Sirius Black, and of course his perfectly tousled hair. Everything was always perfect with Sirius Black. 

‘So’ Sirius began and Remus sighed slightly, sensing this would happen. Sirius worried about Remus over the full moon, and since the full moon was tonight Remus could guarantee Sirius would try to be as gallant as he could, waiting on him hand a foot and trying to tidy him up after the moon had passed. He cringed at the thought of Sirius trying to stop any bleeding and covering him in a blanket and whispering soothing words. It felt embarrassing to Remus that he should show such weakness to a friend. Sirius didn't mind though, that was one thing Remus was sure about Sirius Black. Full moons were so much better now the marauders could all run together all four of them. He knew the wolf likened Padfoot the most though, matching each other in speed, always trying to outrun the other. Remus enjoyed running free outside the shrieking shack, not that he could remember it, but he knew the wolf in him did, there were hardly any self inflicting injuries now.

‘So’ sirius repeated again ‘we will come down to the shack as normal, there was a cool looking passage into the forest we can go down, since we didn't get a chance last time’  
Remus nodded his face full of toast thick with butter.   
‘Sounds good’ he said after swallowing. He tried to stay cheerful, as much as the moon was fun, the pain of transforming was almost unbearable, there was a clear reason why it was called the shrieking shack. 

The room went silent then and Remus having eaten everything on his plate put it on the floor and settled himself into bed slightly further, burrowing under the duvet and the blanket Sirius must have left for him last night, he smiled at that and the strange feeling of just wanting to laugh and not stop bubbled up in his throat again. 

‘Where’s James’ Remus asked a couple of relaxful minutes later, breaking the silence.  
Sirius who had reshuffled so he was laying on his back propped up on his elbows, and looked directly at Remus.   
‘Quiddich’ he said with a smile, and Remus knew this was because Sirius and James were the best of friends and somehow he didn’t mind that he and Peter were the outside marauders because at least they both got a little bit of James. A little bit of Sirius.   
‘Oh’ Rewmus said, forcing himself to concentrate on the present conversation, ‘didn’t you do?’ He knew Sirius loved quidditch, almost as much as James, though his dedication to getting up to play let him down slightly. 

Remus knew how much Sirius despised getting up before seven, and how he would burrow further under the covers when James shouted at him to get ready, tucked up in a ball with just the top of his hair poking out until James would rip off the duvet in exasperation or pour cold water in his to get him up. Remus loved how after that charade, Sirius would look over at Remus’ smiling face and roll his eyes as though Remus could totally sympathise with him then walk out with a saunter and a huff. 

‘Yeah’ Sirius replied with a slow flush rising in his cheeks just the way Remus liked because it made him squirm slightly inside and a warm rush of happiness would run through him. ‘But I knew you would still be in bed and thought you would want breakfast.   
‘Wanker’ Remus replied and he knew his face was slightly red as he could feel the warmth in it.   
‘Piss off’ Sirius said kicking his foot against Remus and they both laughed Remus muttering out a ‘fuck you’. 

It was about half an hour later when Remus had finally got up. Both boys had lain together in silence listening to David Bowie and humming along to their favourite parts. It felt peaceful and relaxful, much more enjoyable than when Peter was listening as he would just complain or James who's singing would clash horribly as he sang the wrong words to the wrong tunes. Sirius had got out one of his cigarettes and they had shared it, puffing it at each other so eventually the room became so clustered up with smoke, they could barely see each other's faces, which Remus for one was grateful for. 

James marched in at about quarter past ten and began yelling something along the lines of ‘CANT YOU AT LEAST OPEN THE BLOODY WINDOW YOU WANKERS’ spoiling the somehow togetherness of the two boys and Sirius had laughed at him and told him to open the window if he was bothered and Remus had smiled with a dizzying sensation in his stomach and laid back feeling slightly unstable and somehow uncaring, and by the time the smoke had left the room much to James's enjoyment Remus felt slightly more pieced together and decided to get up in a vague attempt to restore some order to the day.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best writing, but a new chapter none the less  
> Enjoys lovelies!

It was almost past five when Remus found himself walking down to the hospital wing, by himself, the first bit of piece he had had since this morning, not that he minded of course. How could he when Sirius Black had spent two hours after lunch reading with him, a thing Sirius Black was notoriously well known for despising. 

They had been interrupted later on when Lily had come over to introduce a boy in the year above called Benjamin Brooke. He had seen him around before since Peter often played chess with the boy. Chess was one of Peter's few talents and all the marauders, even James would now admit defeat against him. Marlene, the most competitive of them all, played Peter in a stalemate for two hours before finally submitting to him when she realized she could never win. Remus thought it was nice for Peter to have something he was good at, something that he was better than anyone else at, so he could feel important. Remus knew how much Peter craved validation and though he did not like to admit it, he knew he also craved validation, to be loved and accepted just for who he was. 

Remus liked Benjamin, he liked his thick brown hair which was slightly unruly and how when he smiled it lit up the whole of his face, which was why Remus had not minded when he had interrupted their study session, and had made small talk with the two of them. He had noticed Sirius however, becoming more sharp and prickly. He was often like that with new people though, needing them to gain his trust beforehand. Ironic, Remus though when Sirius had betrayed his trust in the worst way possible. The scars across his body a constant reminder of what had happened. That was why Remus Lupin hated looking inthe mirror. It was a constant reminder of the beast he held inside of him, a constant reminder of what had nearly happened because Sirius was stupid and reckless yet still so compassionate ansd loving and therefore Remus was forgiving. 

‘Oy Lupin’ Remus stopped and turned around to be greeted with a face that, although he would never admit, made his insides squirm slightly ever since that day, that prank that Remus knew had ripped him apart just a little bit more than he thought he could bear.  
‘Ello Snivellus’ Remus replied switching to an accent Sirius would criticize and call improper. Remus disagreed however, hoping it would make him look and sound slightly rougher, maybe more intimidating. Snape sighed and glared at him down his abnormally long nose. Or Remus thought maybe not. Snapes’ hair was greasy and slightly matted, and Remus felt his face screw up slightly just looking at it. The Slytherin boy clearly had no use for basic things such as cleaning.  
‘Where are you off to Lupin?’ Snape said sarcastically. Remus felt his face fill with heat even against his silent protests.  
‘Oh, I think you know,’ Remus replied, feeling his voice become monotone, a habit he had when he began to get angry. He hated Snape more than anyone could imagine, he hated that his fate fell in the hands of someone like that, someone who didn't even wash their hair! He was at such a weak disadvantage when it came to Snape and it angered him.  
Snape's face lifted slightly and was about to remark something back when James and Sirius came around the corner, Remus guessing they were probably on their way to follow him down to the romping willow with Pomfrey. 

‘Snivellous’ James smiled at him ‘fancy seeing you here’ Snape scowled and muttered something under his breath. Reus felt somewhat relieved, Snape would never try anything dirty with the three of them there, and nowadays you could never be too careful. 

Sirius grimaced slightly then folded his arms and raised a perfectly arched eyebrow, ‘ on you way to wash your hair’ to which Snape walked of in the other direction muttering angrily under his breath his slytherin cloak billowing around his ankles giving the impression of not a happy caregiving seventeen year old boy, but a man who saw himself with great matter and importance.  
Remus heard himself stutter slightly, Sirius Black the bloody prick had raised an eyebrow, a trick Remus had previously that day reassured himself he was the only one to do so. Of course Sirius bloody Black could though, what could he not do, even more irritating it was in a perfect arch; shaping his facial features into a look of superiority, a look only Sirius Black could achieve to its full potential. 

‘You good there Moony’ James' voice broke through his thoughts as he found himself being steered towards the hospital wing, and he compelled himself to walk forwards.  
‘Fine’ he replied trying his hardest to etch a smile on his face. He looked over towards Sirius who had a concerned look on his face which vanished as soon as he released Remus was staring. They walked in silence after that Remus was trying to block the pain of transforming, but despite it having happened a hundred times he still, felt slightly sick and woozy. He knew they were all trying to ignore the encounter with Snape, and Remus felt sure they each had the same scenario playing over in their heads.

‘Remus dear, here you are here’ Poppy walked over to Remus as soon as he entered through the hospital wing doors. It was empty today, which was a relief, hopefully he could get it to himself tomorrow so he could grab his favourite bed right by the window. Poppys usual smile was ever prominent and Remus smiled back at her, the feeling of safety and sanctuary that enveloped him whenever she was near. ‘I was beginning to think about coming to find you, come on now lets get you sorted’ 

By the time Poppy left the shrieking shack, Remus felt hungry and cursed himself for not eating, his stomach rumbled and he paced the room, trying to ignore the slowly growing pain in his joints. In that moment Sirius, James and Peter appeared, and Remus felt himself relax slightly, reminding himself that whatever happened he had them tonight and that was all that mattered. His best friends, who accepted him for who he was despite all the grey tatted corners he had. The four of them. The four Marauders, and Remus knew that whatever happened they would always be there for him. 

Remus stopped thinking then and let out a small cry of agony and the three boys before him swiftly transformed into a rat, stag and a dog, his three gardiens for the night, then everything seemed to disappear as Remus began to change. Absorbed in the pain of his bones and muscles breaking, cracking and splitting then reforming and he felt himself screaming when the agony got too bad. The world seemed to go black then and he let the wolf take over his body, submitting himself to it for the night. 

Remus woke on the floor shivering, his mind felt loose and his head felt like it was being jumped on. He felt fingers run through his hair and a soft voice whispering something along the lines of  
‘Your ok now Moony’ and a blanket was being pulled over his limp body and the hand stroked through his hair again and Remus sighed contentedly despite the pain that slid through him like venom, slowly slinking away. 

There was some muffled laughter and a voice that sounded suspiciously like James which muttered something allowing the lines of ‘Come on Sirius’ but Remus was too tired to notice or care and it all sounded far away as well. There was some more scrabbling and laughing and Remus felt the slender finger brush through his hair one more. He hummed slightly then blocked everything out and felt his body disconnect from his mind and he fell into a restless sleep, once more.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter done! Enjoy!

'Hello Remus dear’ Remus looked up to see Poppy standing over him with a slightly concerned look on her face, he smiled up at her somewhat desperate to reassure her that he was ok. She smiled back at this and Remus could see a flicker of relief pass over her face. ‘How are you deary?’ she bent down and looked over him quickly. Modesty was somewhat overlooked now and in that second Remus didn't really care anyways, if it was going to stop the hurting he didn't mind. Anything to help ease the pain. 

‘Not a bad night, huh’ the medical witch said after a quick check over and Remus could hear the relief in her voice. He knew she worried over him despite his constant reassurances. He stood up slowly and tried to look past the dizzying feeling in his head which swept a white mist over his eyes. There was a long scrape up the side of his leg and he winced at the flesh that was still prominent despite his fast healing and he cream the medi-with had applied. 

Poppy smiled at him and they made their way slowly up to the school. It was just before sunrise and the sky was slightly pink, yet he could still see the stars in the sky. He smiled at this, he loved stars, they were always there, never changing and they lit up the whole sky like they were trying to find everything out about it, and wouldn't leave it untouched until they did, a friendly comforting thing, so small yet also so large. 

There was no one about as they walked through the corridors, most likely far too early for anyone sane on a sunday morning which Remus was relieved for, he could make something up like falling down the stars and it would all be ok with no awkward questions, even better no one would notice his absence. No one would notice the correlation to his accidents and the moon, je hoped so anyway. 

‘Ok, you take the bed by the window’ Poppy said as she helped Remus down, and puffing out the cushions. Remus smiled at this. It meant he could look out the window and see what was going on, something to distract him from the pain. He could feel Poppy Applying a bandage to his leg and bit down on his tongue so he couldn't wince, so he wouldn't show any more weakness than he needed to. To Remus weakness was bad, it showed more of himself then necessary. 

By the time Poppy Pomfrey was finished Remus was fighting against his eyes to keep them open. It must have been clear as the witch came over a few seconds over with a vial of blue substance that glinted shine and sparks of greens and purples which Remus knew well enough to be a mixture of sleeping draught and dreamless sleep potion.   
‘Here you are Remus, drink up’ Remus scowled slightly, yet all the same began to pour the mixture down his throat. It burned at the edges of his throat slightly and then he began to feel like he was being filled up with something like honey and he smiled, with his eyes closed aware poppy would still be watching him.

‘Don't worry about school, you'll be fine for tomorrow, it's only Sunday’ he could still hear her talking as she rearranged his bed sheets around him. Her voice was getting fainter and fainter until it was gone and it was just him left, then I felt the potion take over and was pushed over into the abyss of a dreamless sleep. 

It was past midday when Remus finally woke up. As usual it was to the noise of chatter, and when Remus opened his eyes James Sirius and Peter were all crowded around his bed. Sirius was sat next to him, his legs stretched out, James was sat crossed legged on the end and Peter was standing up next to James looking slightly awkward and out of place despite the numerous times he had spent in the hospital wing with Remus.

‘Moonyyy’ Sirius exclaimed as soon as Remus opened his eyes, his face positioned abnormally close to Remus, as he reached around to look at him. ‘How was it, are you ok, did you sleep alright?’ Remus hoped he wasn't blushing as much as the fiery burn beneath his cheeks threatened and he tried his hardest to look somewhat bemused at Sirius’s questioning, as though Sirius was no more than an excitable puppy to nod along with. 

‘Give him a chance to breathe Padfoot’ James said hitting Sirius on the leg making his lips pout slightly in the way that Remus loved and made his stomach flip. As an outsider, it may seem as though Remus himself was the ‘mother hen’ of the group as Sirius liked to call it, though between the four of them it had been silently agreed it was James much to their amusement and his disgust and constant denying.

‘Here Moony’ Peter said as Peter and Sirius began to have a slight scuffle and he handed Remus a chocolate frog.  
‘Thanks Wormy’ Remus replied, opening the frog and popping it in his mouth immediately, before it had any chance of getting away. ‘Yum’ he mused out after swallowing it. Remus was a huge fan of chocolate and it was a constant joke between the marauders. Chocolate made Remus feel safe and secure in an odd sort of way and for that reason he made sure that he always had a big stash of it in the suitcase under his bed.   
‘S’not really from me’ peter said looking around rather sheepishly, ‘Marlene heard you were in the hospital wing and told me to send it over to you, since she was busy with the care of magical creature homework for tomorrow’  
‘Wormtail’ James cried out and he glared at Peter through his glasses that were now somewhat wonkey on his face, ‘what did we say about not telling Moony about the homework until later?’   
Peter looked around again sheepishly, his face now going bright red.   
‘Sorry Moony’ he stared out ‘I didn mean to it just just’  
‘Slipped out?’ Sirius suggested for him, his voice sounded slightly automatic and Remus could tell that both James and Sirius were pissed off about it. It was so like wormtail really, to accidentally let something slip, to stutter and mess up and both James and Sirius were less patient and lenient about it then they had been not two years ago.

Remus signed taking in a deep breath of air and tried to imagine the path it would be taking down to his lungs before replying.   
‘It's fine Pete really, I have to do it at some point anyway don't i’   
‘Yeah but you don't need to be stressing about it just as this moment’ Sirius snapped back. Remus felt his guard click up almost immediately.  
‘How would you know whether I'm stressed or not’ he quipped back. Sirius lent back resettling himself against the pillows. Remus felt his neck heat up slightly and in a vague attempt to stop them seeing his blush rise he wiggled further under the covers, the fresh sheets crisp and cooling under him.   
‘Because’ Sirius replied ‘you’re our Remus, our Moony and therefore it is in our nature as Marauders to know when you are stressed’ Remus tried to ignore this, but be felt the waves of seasickness bubble up inside him and a dizzying sensation take over his body. ‘And anyways’ Sirius continued ‘ no need to worryI have already done it for you’ he finished with a wave of his hand like he was passing finality over the subject. Even Remus could not deny the skill in Sirius’ writing, he could mimic anyone's writing and his own was like something you may see in the films, which in reality no one would write like. Yet Sirius Black still did. 

Remus looked at Sirius and smiled, because not that he would admit it but he had been stressed about the work when Peter mentioned it and now it meant he could spend the rest of the day sleeping, reading and playing exploding snap with the rest of the marauders. 

‘There you go Moony’ James said smiling ‘you are free all day now, so you can rest up for tomorrow’ Remus smiled at him again, his head began to feel slightly more woozy and his eyelids threatened to close again. ‘I had better go get Pomfrey; James said sliding up off the bed ‘she said to get her when you woke up so I had better do that before we get kicked out.’   
Remus smiled at this and nodded his head slightly dozely, his body was beginning to ache slightly and he really just wanted to fall asleep again. 

‘Moony’ Remus jumped slightly, the voice waking him up slightly from the half sleep he was threatening to fall into. He looked up to see Wormtail, shuffled awkwardly once more. ‘I’ve got to go transfiguration homework and revision’ he said shuffling again Remus smiled at him feeling slightly sorry for the boy.   
‘No worries Pete’ he said ‘tell Marlene I said thanks for the chocolate’ Peter nodded at this and muttered out a hastily ‘yes’ and with that made his way out from behind the screen and off out of the hospital wing.  
‘Rat’ Sirius muttered under his breath.  
‘Padfoot’ Remus said signing slightly ‘don't be rude, leave him alone’ Sirius huffed at this and closed his eyes as though he had decided to totally ignore what Remus had said. James reappeared after that with the announcement that ‘Poppy would be along shortly’ much to Remus' relief. 

Half an hour later Poppy had checked on Remus to see if he was alright and tend to his gashes again, then gave him another of the same blue potion from earlier and left him James and Sirius to their own devices.  
‘See he drinks it up though’ she said staring directly at them, ‘or you will both be out of here before you can say sorry, Remus’ health comes before anything.’ Both boys had nodded at this, and Remus knew they would obey this as Poppy Pomfrey was a witch of her word! 

Five minutes later Remus felt too tired to carry on the conversation with the two boys and so he picked up the vial and gulped it down, quite happy to fall asleep listening to the voices of his two best friends raging about their favourite quidditch teams, and for the second time that day Remus fell into a dreamless sleep.


End file.
